A friend shared a hilarious experience with me recently. During a holiday visit to her cousin, my friend attended an outing where her cousin introduced her to a man as a senior colleague.
While introducing them, the cousin turned to the man and said, “Do you remember the picture that I posted, and you began to ask me about her? It was her picture.” The senior colleague nodded and added that she even looks more beautiful in person.
My friend, who couldn’t wait to find out what led to the talk about her picture, began to interrogate her cousin when they got home. It turned out that on her birthday, the cousin shared a few of her pictures on WhatsApp.
Amongst those who complimented her beauty was this senior colleague. A few days later, he began to ask questions about her and indicated interest in meeting her. Her cousin’s response? She boasted about how she (my friend) is a ‘big girl’ who travels out of the country a lot.
The senior colleague was said to have simply nodded. He did not raise the issue again. My friend said that she felt like spanking the cousin really hard, particularly for feeling like she marketed a relationship brilliantly.
She is still ‘searching,’ and the young lady went to close a potential ‘love door’ without even realising it! She told me that she later found out the man’s details and went to take a peep on social media.
It turned out that he got married in December. Six months after her birthday When I asked what she thinks about the man from all she saw, she said, “He’s not bad looking at all.” And he has a good job.
Things probably went that way because they are not destined for each other. But we need to stop opening our mouths unnecessarily when someone expresses interest in someone we know.
If you can, just link them and let them get to know more about each other directly from themselves. Otherwise, you could be dimming the ‘love’ chances of someone grappling with loneliness.
People hardly admit how lonely they are! Even if you think the person is beneath them, let them make that decision by themselves.
Resist the impulse to ‘package’ them. You could be ruining their chances with someone who will be good for them. The title of a ‘big girl’ is actually not impressive to men who are genuinely searching for a life partner.
This next story was shared with me by a man who has experienced a ‘big girl’:
“I was once involved with a so-called big girl, living in a posh part of Lagos and driving a big car. She was a popular face on television screens here. I had been divorced by my oyinbo (Caucasian) wife for a while and was seeking to settle down with a mature woman.
“She was in her early 40s, divorced with two children. Right from the first hello, she said to me, I was being asked for money regularly. The first money she asked from me was two hundred and fifty thousand naira to pay off the lawyer who handled her divorce.
“From there, I began to pay the monthly salary of her children’s nanny, down to buying her cooking gas.
Yet, this was someone whom I entered into her life, thinking she would be less money-trouble due to how she had always presented herself to me. She always said that all she needed from a man was genuine love and peace of mind. And that money is not her problem. Money is, in fact, her biggest problem!
“Not even the younger and unemployed ladies that I have dated stressed me (economically) as she did. There was a day she sent a grocery shopping list to me, claimed that she was in a meeting, and her nanny could not leave the children alone to attend to that. I did not reply to her. Three hours later, she called me, and I did not pick up her call.
“Was she still in a meeting at that time and able to text about groceries? I just convinced myself that her trouble is too much. And I stopped communicating. There was no insult that she didn’t throw at me until I blocked her. She called me ‘a failed pilot.’ I wonder where she got that from. I was not out of a job!
“When they are quick to show you that they are ‘a big girl,’ it’s a warning for the man to be prepared for giving them more money and expensive gifts. It has nothing at all to do with what they can bring to the table. I have met some of them. And the experience is the same. More and more money is being demanded in an entitled manner.”