Veteran Nollywood soundtrack composer and singer, Stanley Okorie, has disclosed the reasons behind the failures of his first two marriages.
According to Okorie, in an interview with Chude Jideonwo, his first wife divorced him because she considered his songs ‘stupid’, and because he was an ‘insensitive’ husband.
He said, “My work rate led to my first divorce, and that was the most painful.”
Reflecting further, Okorie added, “When most people talk about their problems in a marriage or in a relationship, they are quick to x-ray the other person’s fault. I am not saying I had all the faults, but I was a very insensitive husband. I blame myself for that one.
“Sometimes, my wife would make her hair, and I would say, ‘I am going to the studio, come on’. And, that’s not nice. There was a time I was doing all the jobs, and people would call me from London (United Kingdom), and pay for my flight ticket, and I would go and make music. That was nice.”
Having gone through those phases, Okorie stated that he had learnt that providing for one’s family went beyond financial support.
He said, “The first rule of love is presence. You can give all the money, but the first rule of love is presence. It wasn’t about the money. At some point, you give her the money, and when you come back, it’s there. So, you have to be present. But, I was present for the music I love.
“I was going from studio to another. And, you see producers, to be prolific means you’re doing a lot, and are doing it well.
“But, everything comes at a cost. For that first marriage, I was very insensitive. I was wondering why wasn’t seeing all the work I was doing. But no, I failed on that score.”
He added that the pain of his wife leaving him inspired some of his most heartfelt songs.
“The first day she looked at me and she said, ‘I can’t take this anymore’. I knew she was telling the truth. So, I did not want to argue. That’s part of the cost of the music.
“When I write songs about pain, betrayed love and heartbreak, I always go back there (experience). ‘Living without Love’ was a song I wrote during that time. I would sing to console myself, instead of going to beg (her).
“However, it has made me a wiser person. I have gone through pain. After that one, I went through a second divorce. At some point, my wife and son died. When I sing, it’s from my heart. Music helped me deal with it to some level, but there’s no method of dealing with a problem better than confronting it.
“Music was my escape when I should have just focused on the problem. But, I’m happy now where I am. I am happily married. The kids are doing well. I am still recording music and doing other things,” he said.