Nigerian men and women living in the United Kingdom have clashed on social media over the sharing of financial responsibilities in marriages and relationships.
While some men accused women of using marriage as a means of relocating to the UK without intending to contribute to household expenses, some women criticised men who expected their partners to split bills equally.
The controversy erupted on X after a video showing three women dancing went viral with the caption, ‘Date a Nigerian UK man that believes in sharing bills equally or dance.’
Reacting to the video, a Nigerian man, Dr Oluwaseun Olaiya, recounted the experience of a nurse friend whose marriage allegedly ran into difficulties over financial responsibilities.
According to Olaiya, the man had attempted to date a woman who initially rejected his advances but later accepted his proposal after learning of his plans to relocate to the UK.
“He arranged an emergency introduction and court wedding before leaving for the UK. He later returned to Nigeria for an elaborate wedding ceremony and eventually took her to the UK,” Olaiya said.
“The lady is a Nigerian-registered nurse. However, when she arrived in the UK, she started working in the care sector. She didn’t even work more than two days a week, and she was unwilling to support her husband financially.”
Olaiya alleged that the woman refused to contribute to household expenses, leaving her husband to shoulder the family’s financial responsibilities.
“She obtained her UK nursing registration and suddenly stopped working,” he stated.
“Recently, she called her husband and asked him to sponsor her younger brother, who is in Nigeria, for his master’s degree in the UK. Her husband jokingly asked her, ‘Is that why you have been saving so aggressively all this while, while refusing to contribute anything to this family?’”
According to Olaiya, the woman became angry over her husband’s response and stopped performing household duties.
“That was the beginning of the marital crisis. She has now secured a nursing job and moved out of the matrimonial home to live independently,” he added.
Another social media user, Sochi Nenyenwa, defended the women in the video, raising questions about the conduct of Nigerian men abroad.
“Are Nigerian women responsible for Nigerian men travelling to the UK to rape underage girls?” she asked.
In another viral video on X, a Nigerian woman criticised men who expected their wives or girlfriends to share household bills equally, insisting that marriage was not a priority for every woman.
“Who wants to marry you? Who cares? They are good for nothing. Some of you men think marriages are our priorities. Why do you want a woman to split bills equal to you as a man? Why are you a man? You’re not ashamed of yourself. I cannot do 50/50 with you. Single ladies, don’t be an understanding wife!” she said.
A Nigerian man, Godwin Je, also weighed in on the controversy, attacking women he accused of contributing little to their relationships.
“It is one of the worst things you can do to yourself as a Nigerian man to date one of the Nigerian Almajiri girls in the UK. They are all almost good for nothing, other than warming your bed. Many of them have absolutely nothing to offer,” he said.
‘UK is not Nigeria’
Speaking to Diaspora Tales, the founder of the Nigerians in UK community on X, Benjamin Kuti, aka Oluomo of Derby, said the financial realities of marriage in Britain differed significantly from those in Nigeria.
“First of all, we need to understand the reality of living in the UK. The UK is not Nigeria. The financial responsibilities here are different. Rent is expensive. Council tax is expensive. Electricity, gas, water, transportation, groceries, childcare and other expenses are constantly increasing,” Kuti said.
He questioned the expectation that men should shoulder all household expenses even when their wives were employed.
Kuti maintained that marriage should be built on cooperation rather than competition.
“We cannot continue to promote the idea that a man must carry every financial responsibility while a woman simply contributes her presence. That mindset needs to be questioned.
“A relationship is not a competition between a man and a woman. It is two people coming together to make life easier for each other. If both of us work, why can’t both of us contribute?”
He, however, acknowledged that splitting bills equally might not be practical in every marriage.
“But we cannot demand equality in certain areas and reject shared responsibility in others. I am not saying that every couple must split every single expense exactly down the middle. Life doesn’t always work that way,” he concluded.
Also speaking to Diaspora Tales, the founder of Clarity House London, a UK-based community interest company, Oyinlade Oladipo, said the controversy reflected deeper financial, domestic and emotional challenges confronting some Nigerian couples abroad.
Oladipo, whose organisation provides non-clinical companionship and community support, said the debate should extend beyond who pays household bills.
“I believe we are overlooking a much bigger issue: marriage is not simply about who pays the bills; it is about how fairly responsibilities are shared,” she said.
She explained that her organisation regularly engaged with couples experiencing marital and family challenges.
“From our experience, approximately 90 per cent of the couples we see experiencing marital difficulties struggle with the fair distribution of financial, domestic or emotional responsibilities,” she said.
According to her, resentment often develops when one partner believes the other is not contributing enough to the relationship.
“The problem is rarely just money. It is often the resentment that develops when one partner feels they are contributing significantly more than the other.
“Consider a husband paying 70 per cent of household expenses while his wife handles most of the childcare, cooking, cleaning and family organisation.
“He may feel financially overwhelmed, while she may feel physically and emotionally exhausted. Both are contributing, but neither necessarily feels appreciated. A 50/50 financial split does not automatically translate into a 50/50 marriage.”
Oladipo advocated financial arrangements that reflected each partner’s earning capacity.
“Our recommendation is generally a proportionate financial arrangement, where the higher-earning partner contributes a greater percentage towards household expenses.”
The controversy comes about a month after another Nigerian couple in the UK, Alimat Abiola and her former husband, became embroiled in a public dispute involving allegations of abandonment, financial exploitation and infidelity.
The allegations and counter-allegations, some reportedly made through the former husband’s friends, generated widespread reactions on social media and renewed discussions about marital challenges among Nigerians living abroad.